Osama Funeral Songs?

The song list for Bin Laden’s funeral thus far includes…
Elton John – Sandles in the bin
Cliff Richard – We’re all going on Osama holiday
Kelly Clarkson – Since You’ve Bin gone

Muslim Easter

We won’t be laughing in three days when Bin Laden rises from the dead.

I’m not looking forward to ‘Muslim Easter’: Chocolate goats will be shit.

Dolly Parton

I heard an interview on radio 2 with Dolly Parton and amongst other things she was talking about her dad.

‘My father couldn’t read or write. But he was a very intelligent man, he could have been anything.’

Well…… probably not a writer if we’re being honest Dolly.

When I broke up with my girlfriend she started crying and said I was a self-centred bastard.

You should’ve seen the look on my face.

Sex is no accident

Saving money

A couple are trying to look into way of saving some cash.

Wife says to her husband “If you helped around the house we could get rid of the maid”

Husband replies “if you took it up the arse we could get rid of the dog”

Life

Sometimes, life throws you a curve ball and you just don’t know enough about baseball to finish the metaphor…

Turtles

I’ve just been raped by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Though ironically, he wasn’t wearing a mask so I don’t know which one it was.