Headache

A bloke emerges from the bathroom naked and is climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache!” “Perfect”, her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin. Apparently you can choose to take it orally or as a suppository, it’s up to you honey.”

Paranoia, the definition of;

A blind man having a wank.

Gay?

Some people have a problem with me using the word ‘gay’ all the time, saying that I’m being homophobic. Thing is, when I say ‘gay’ I don’t actually mean ‘homosexual’; I often use the word to describe something lame. And if you don’t like it, you can just jew off.

Curry Cure?

After hearing that curry can cure cancer (attractive alliteration), I can’t help but feel that Shilpa Shetty had the last laugh.

Fat Girls

They say that fat girls try harder. Not in the gym they don’t.

Bloody Indian summers

Coming over here stealing our Autumns

Johnny and Mary

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her seven-year-old daughter. Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them…. they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.” “Curious about sex?” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fucking appendix [...]