Up the castle and round the elephant

Osama Funeral Songs?

U T Carte — Tue, 03 May 2011 12:48:26 +0000

The song list for Bin Laden’s funeral thus far includes…
Elton John – Sandles in the bin
Cliff Richard – We’re all going on Osama holiday
Kelly Clarkson – Since You’ve Bin gone

Muslim Easter

U T Carte — Tue, 03 May 2011 12:41:53 +0000

We won’t be laughing in three days when Bin Laden rises from the dead.

I’m not looking forward to ‘Muslim Easter’: Chocolate goats will be shit.

Dolly Parton

U T Carte — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 13:34:24 +0000

I heard an interview on radio 2 with Dolly Parton and amongst other things she was talking about her dad.

‘My father couldn’t read or write. But he was a very intelligent man, he could have been anything.’

Well…… probably not a writer if we’re being honest Dolly.

When I broke up with my girlfriend she started crying and said I was a self-centred bastard.

You should’ve seen the look on my face.

Sex is no accident

U T Carte — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 21:00:50 +0000

Saving money

U T Carte — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 11:24:38 +0000

A couple are trying to look into way of saving some cash.

Wife says to her husband “If you helped around the house we could get rid of the maid”

Husband replies “if you took it up the arse we could get rid of the dog”

Life

U T Carte — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 11:20:50 +0000

Sometimes, life throws you a curve ball and you just don’t know enough about baseball to finish the metaphor…

Turtles

U T Carte — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 11:19:53 +0000

I’ve just been raped by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Though ironically, he wasn’t wearing a mask so I don’t know which one it was.

Sushi?

U T Carte — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:53:48 +0000

Isn’t it ironic?

Fish are now eating raw Japanese.

Justin Bieber

U T Carte — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 10:35:03 +0000

I heard that Justin Bieber has a 10 inch cock.

It’s in his ass and belongs to Usher.

Football trouble

U T Carte — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 16:01:09 +0000

What is it with these mindless idiots who go to football grounds with the deliberate intention of causing trouble and ruining the game for everyone else? Fucking referee cunts.